cur-mud-geon: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner
Blame the person who sent the e-mail to me:
~The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
~I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
~She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
~A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
~The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
~No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
~A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
~A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
~Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
~Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
~A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
~Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
~Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a head."
~I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
~A sign on the front lawn at a drug rehab center warned "Keep off the Grass".
~A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet".
~A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
~The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
~A backward poet writes inverse.
~In democracy, it is your vote that counts. In feudalism, it is your count that votes.
~When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
~Don't join dangerous cults; practice safe sects.