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Curmudgeon's Corner

cur-mud-geon: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner

Golf Truisms for a Blustery Winter Day

Potpourri, Quality of Life, People Making A Difference

Golf truisms for a blustery winter day (thanks for sharing Tom):

###   Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.

###   Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

###   When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can use one more club or two more balls.

###   If you’re afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.

###   The less skilled the player, the more likely he/ she is to share his/her ideas about the golf swing.

###   No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

###   The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all your many other errors.

###   A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent’s luck.

###   It is surprisingly easy to hole a 30 foot putt…for a 10.

###   Counting on your opponent to inform you when he or she breaks a rule is like expecting them to make fun of their own haircut.

###   Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

###   It’s not a gimmee if you’re still away.

###   The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

###   You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time.

###   If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

###   Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

###   When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

###   Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he or she must subsequently make two double bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

###   There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands:  how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

###   Hazards attract; fairways repel.

###   A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

###   If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker.  If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

###   It is easier to get up at 6:00AM to play golf than at 10:00AM to mow the grass.

###   A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

###   Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend longer praying than you would do in church.

###   A good golf partner is one who’s always slightly worse than you are…that’s why you get so many calls to play with your friends.

###   If there’s a storm rolling in, you’ll be having the best game of your life.

###   Golf balls are like eggs.  They’re white. They’re sold by the dozen.  And you need to buy fresh ones every week.

###   It’s amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

###   If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he or she shot a six or a seven, he or she probably shot an eight (or worse).

###   It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon.  On the other hand, you don’t get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, and eat hot dogs while performing brain surgery!  

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