Curmudgeon's Corner

Some Week-End Humor

Posted by Al Campbell on Sept. 10, 2010

Quality of Life

I had never heard of a “paraprosdokian” before a friend exposed me to the term and to sentences featuring paraprosdokians.  The definition says these are figures of speech in which the latter part of the sentence or phrase has a surprising or unexpected twist that makes you rethink the first part of the sentence or phrase.  They’re much more humorous than is the definition:

·         Do not argue with an idiot; he’ll drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

·         Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

·         Light travels faster than sound; that is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

·         The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

·         To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; stealing from many is research.

·         I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

·         I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

·         You do not need a parachute to sky dive; you only need a parachute to skydive twice.

·         Always borrow money from a pessimist; he won’t expect it back.

·         Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

·         I used to be indecisive; now I’m not sure.

·         Change is inevitable; except from a vending machine.

I hope you enjoy these as much as I did.  Just remember this – nostalgia isn’t what it used to be