cur-mud-geon: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner
I had never heard of a “paraprosdokian” before a friend exposed me to the term and to sentences featuring paraprosdokians. The definition says these are figures of speech in which the latter part of the sentence or phrase has a surprising or unexpected twist that makes you rethink the first part of the sentence or phrase. They’re much more humorous than is the definition:
· Do not argue with an idiot; he’ll drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
· Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
· Light travels faster than sound; that is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
· The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
· To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; stealing from many is research.
· I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.
· I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
· You do not need a parachute to sky dive; you only need a parachute to skydive twice.
· Always borrow money from a pessimist; he won’t expect it back.
· Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
· I used to be indecisive; now I’m not sure.
· Change is inevitable; except from a vending machine.
I hope you enjoy these as much as I did. Just remember this – nostalgia isn’t what it used to be